The Italian Soft Life: A Mindset, Not Just A Lifestyle 

If you’re here, you too heard about the soft life, and it intrigued you enough you wanted to explore it further. Is that right?

That’s exactly what we’re going to do in this post. We’re going to talk about what a soft life is, how you can live one, without having to rearrange your entire life.

And since I’m Italian, and here on IWI I write about everything Italian, I’m going to share how Italians have done it for years without even knowing there was a term for it.

So grab a cup, curl up on the sofa, and let’s chat about it.

PS: This post includes affiliate links. If you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products I have or would personally buy. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

What Is A Soft Life?

I think those two words describe it pretty well – soft + life.

Now, think about how you move through your days.

Is it rushed, frantic?

Do you feel like you never have enough time in your day?

Do you find yourself holding your breath, or shallow breathing?

Do you feel tense, get neck and shoulder pain?

Are you always looking at your to-do list and your perfectly timed calendar?

And one more question..

Do you see how none of that can contribute to a soft life?

Now that we see the picture of what a soft life is certainly not, let’s try describing it.

Cambridge dictionary blog defines it like this:

“A lifestyle someone chooses that is as stress-free and unchallenging as possible, focusing instead on relaxation and well-being.”

The Free Dictionary describes it as:

“A life that is typified by or filled with ease and comfort, without requiring any hard work, sacrifice, or unpleasantness.”

The Urban Dictionary nailed it:

“The act of simply living a life with less stress, worry, and concern. Making better decisions that benefit your overall well-being. You don’t prioritize fitting in, following trends, you’re just here to live your divine purpose. “

I think we can agree that the first two feel very unrealistic for the world we live in, whereas the last one is pretty much the perfect definition. The last part might sound a little woo woo, and if it does to you, just change it to this:

A soft life is about living a life with less stress and worry, achievable by making better decisions that will benefit your overall well being first and foremost. It’s not about following what everyone else is doing, but about living the life that you feel called to live.

Now, if we sprinkle in a little Dolce Vita and real Italian life, the kind of life I saw my grandma living when I was little, I would tweak the definition a little further, like this:

A soft life is more about being than doing. It’s a life focused on the now, rather than on tomorrow, next week, or next year. It’s about embracing all the good things life has to offer, those that are readily available to you – like nature, food, family, and the beauty and richness around you (as in anything that makes you feel abundant). 

It’s not about not working, or living a life free of worry or challenges.

Of course, that’s the goal for everyone.

But it also is very unrealistic.

It’s about filling your cup so much that when something not so wonderful comes around, and drains some of that, you’re still left with plenty.

Do you get what I am trying to say?

A soft life is not perfect.

But it’s a life focused on being and feeling, focused on nurturing your mind and your spirit (of course, you have to take care of your physical body too!).

It’s a life that helps you keep your nervous system regulated, living in a rest and digest state, rather than the fight and flight mode most of us are stuck in.

And because of all that, life itself feels softer, even the hurdles. 

So… How Do We Live A Soft Life? – The Mindset

Now that we’ve defined what a soft life is really about, not in a Perfect Pinterest image but in our real daily life, let’s talk about how to get there.

Isn’t that what we all want? 

Let me remind you that it’s not about this:

• How to live a life without stress and problems
• How to live a life where you don’t have to work
• How to live a life where you have everything you want

That’s the dream, but we all know it’s also quite impossible.

Also, I’m pretty sure that if most of us were to achieve that, the world would be a very boring utopian place.

We’d likely get so sick of perfection we would start creating problems.

Isn’t that what Adam and Eve did?

Living a soft life is about being in a really good physical and mental state that allows you to live and see life much differently than what you are doing now.

Let me give you two very different life scenarios.

Scenario 1

A person wakes up with a smile on her face because it’s a new day and the sun is about to come out.

The woman gets out of bed and goes make her coffee while looking at the sunrise outside of her window.

She sits down with her cup of coffee and her book taking a little time for herself before the day starts.

Next, she makes breakfast and goes to get ready for her day.

Scenario 2

A person wakes up feeling sad and grumpy about being a Monday and having to go to work.

The woman grabs her phone and starts scrolling aimlessly to get some joy but instead it’s left feeling more empty.

She realizes an hour has passed and now she has to get ready quickly, so she rushes and gets out the door without having time for coffee or breakfast.

I have tried to describe two very realistic but also opposite morning routines, both very much achievable.

Can you see it?

Can you see how perfect scenario 1 sounds as opposed to scenario 2?

Can you also see that I never mentioned the type of home, the financial state, how beautiful or not the woman is, or whether she works or doesn’t, and what her job is.

Instead, I focused on the motions of each woman, on the decisions they chose to make from the moment they opened their eyes, and most importantly on their attitude towards life.

The first one chose gratitude and softness.

The second chose negativity and chasing.

It was their choice.

They both had the same amount of time, and the same possibilities.

They both had a coffee maker, and a window or balcony to see the sunrise from.

They both had a chair, a book, and a mobile.

Does this leave you thinking? Well, it should. And it certainly does that for me.

Do you get that the life you’re living and the way you are perceiving it has to do more with your daily life choices than with anything else?

Your attitude and mental state affects your physical life more than you realize.

If you think about those two women, who do you think had the best day out of the two?

The first, right?

And why is that? It’s because she had the better attitude, she started her morning on the right foot, and of course anything might have happened after that, but she’s probably in a better place to react to what happens more positively and mindfully.

That’s what we can do too, if we choose to.

But it’s not like we can snap our fingers and get into that mode.

What we can do is snap our fingers and wake up from our current bad mode; we can choose to work on it, but it will take effort and time.

What I’m trying to help you (and myself too) understand is that living a soft life starts in our mind.

We can’t live a soft life if our mind is anything but soft.

If you’re anxious, living in fear, feeling unsafe, overwhelmed, angry, and unhappy, living a soft life is almost impossible.

That’s because everything that comes at you, you’ll see negatively, so how can it ever be soft?

If you’re starting from a fairly neutral position, with a little stress but nothing too bad, you can likely shift yourself pretty quickly. 

But for most of us (and it’s usually those looking for positive change – slow living, a soft life, how to be happy, how to heal our body and mind, etc.), it’s a little more difficult. It’s still doable; it just needs commitment and patience. 

So how do you do that?

It’s about regulating your nervous system, getting out of fight and flight mode into a more neutral and peaceful state.

Please remember that I am not a therapist, nor a doctor, so what I am suggesting is based on my research, journey, and own experience. It also stems from reading, observing, and reflecting. So take what feels right and leave the rest behind. And if you feel like you need it, please reach out to a professional.

15 Simple ways to regulate your nervous system naturally:

1. Daily exercise (the kind that fills your cup and doesn’t feel like a chore )
2. Breathing exercises (like box breathing, for example)
3. Listening to uplifting music and humming along.
4. Grounding (contact with nature, so you feel like you’re supported and not alone)
5. Physical contact with the people you love (as simple as a hug or a gentle caress) can help you feel less alone.
6. Daily journaling (it can be as simple as writing down your worries, your bad experiences of the day, getting angry on paper, so you can let out the negative emotions in a safe space).
7. Vagus nerve activation through simple things like cold water (even just a splash on your face), a thorough ear massage (just Google vagus nerve ear massage), and gargling while making noises.
8. Laughing (with people around you or just while watching something funny)
9. Mindfulness and being present (with your loved ones, when you eat, when you take a moment for yourself).
10. Soft movements like yoga, stretching.
11. Short meditations.
12. Somatic shaking
13. EFT Tapping
14. Brain rewiring exercises
15. Trying to avoid negative situations or people as much as possible (at least until you can handle them better).

If you look at each of these things separately, it’s truly simple. The last two might involve a little more work, but for n.14 it’s all about finding the right program (free or paid) and sticking to doing the exercises daily for however long it takes you to feel the shift. 

For n.15 it’s not going to be instant, but it’s essential if you want to live a more positive soft life. Start thinking about it, paying attention to how different situations and people make you feel. Don’t take rushed decisions. That’s why I left this as the last, because everything else might be enough to help you handle those situations and people you once perceived as too much just fine. 

But if you do experience a shift, and you still notice those bringing negativity into your life, perhaps it’s worth considering putting enough distance or completely cutting ties (of course, how feasible this is depends on your circumstances).

What Does A Soft Italian Life Look Like?

Instead of giving you a list, let’s do it more softly. I am going to paint a picture for you, so you can imagine it.

Sofia is a mum of two, happily married to Edoardo.

Here’s what Sofia’s soft Italian life looks like. It’s not perfect, but it is certainly more positive than the way many women are living.

Sofia wakes up at 6:30 am. She has one of those soft lamps (similar to this one) which helps her wake up calmly as opposed to creating a stress response in her body due to the alarm sound.

She goes to her bathroom and takes time to do her skincare. I picture her having a minimal skincare routine, similar to mine, that helps her support her skin without overwhelming it with nasty ingredients, too many chemicals and scents. These are the skincare products I use that fit that picture, in case you’re curious.

Her husband is in charge of making coffee while she opens her bedroom windows and refreshes the bed. As she does that, she takes a second to be grateful for the beautiful morning, her comfortable bed, her loving husband who’s making her coffee, and her comfortable home. It only takes her a few seconds, the number of positivity and safety signals that sends to her body and brain is immense. It makes both feel safe and less likely to slip into fight and flight.

PS: If you want to make coffee the Italian way, I have a full Dolce Vita Coffee Collection. This makes a great gift for a host, a new homeowner, Father’s day, birthdays, and Christmas too. And here’s the perfect coffee to go with that.

She then goes into the kitchen and thanks her husband for emptying the dishwasher, making coffee, and starting the kids’ lunches. She proceeds to make breakfast for the family. It’s a simple sweet one with a cake she made the day before, some Italian rusks (like these ones), butter and jam. She takes out the milk, presses some oranges, and washes some fruit. The table is set simply but cosy, and the kids are now up and ready to enjoy breakfast.

PS: If this sounds like the perfect life, a little too easy, peaceful and leisurely, just remember that many Italians do prioritize that kind of life. They try to choose everything else so it can allow them that lifestyle: a school closer to home, a job that accommodates her family time, a life they can afford so they don’t have to sacrifice the time spent with their loved ones. It’s all a matter of choices. Also, schools tend to start a little later, and many offices start work a little later too.

She helps the kids get ready for school, and her husband takes them, while she stays home, sorts the kitchen after breakfast, makes the beds, starts making dinner, and gets ready for work.

Sofia has chosen to reduce her working hours, after discussing it with her husband, so she can pick the kids up from school. The kids stay in school just an hour longer and they have time to do their homework there, while she finishes her work. She works from 10 am to 2 pm from Monday to Friday, and picks the kids at 2.30 pm. 

PS: If you think this is unrealistic, I had a friend who worked in my office who did exactly that. It’s all about making the choices that can support the life you want. You might need to sacrifice some luxuries in the process, but it’s you who decides what matters most in the long run!

Sometimes, she heads to the supermarket with the kids. Other times, they go to see grandma. And on a few occasions, they spend the afternoon out doing some essential shopping, visiting a museum, or meeting a friend and her kids for coffee and a walk.

Of course, Sofia knows she has chores to do at home (she doesn’t have a cleaner), but she also knows that spending quality time with her kids, her family, and her friends is important, so she prioritizes that.

Once they get home, they shower and change into comfy clothes, she makes the kids a light snack and gets on with her chores.

She then starts or continues making dinner, while helping the kids finish their homework or revise for a test.

Edoardo comes home and they soon have dinner together as a family. She doesn’t rush it, she takes time to speak with her kids and her husband, ask about their day and take the chance to talk about future plans, like that special weekend or the vacation they’re planning.

Her husband is in charge of the dishes, while the kids have a little TV time.

She uses that time to finish any chores, and get the house and herself ready for the night.

She gets into bed early, and reads a book while her husband is watching a show. 

She also takes the time to do some journaling, especially when she feels she needs it. We all do!

Throughout her day, Sofia also tries to prioritise movement, stretching, incorporating little meditations, reading mindful quotes throughout the day, as and whenever she gets the chance. It helps her feel better, which in turn helps her be a better mom and wife, but most importantly live a happier life.

Of course, Sofia would like that designer bag, she would like to take a holiday every quarter rather than once a year, but she chooses to focus on the good in her life rather than on what’s lacking. 

She focuses on making sure she has all she needs, and so do her loved ones. 

She pays close attention to the narrative she is running in her head. If it’s positive she knows she will have a happier day and week.

She takes time to appreciate all the good things in her life, around her, those that she bought, received, and those that are free for everyone to enjoy.

She cherishes the little daily moments of peace and calm, the funny moments with her kids, the romantic gestures her husband does for her, and all of that makes her feel richer than more money, a larger house, or a few designer bags ever could.

Can you see it?

Can you see all the things that contribute to making Sofia’s life a softer one?
Let me list them for you.

1. She’s not afraid to rest, take it slow, and just be.
2. She’s open to receiving help from her husband, rather than wanting to do it all on her own like a superwoman.
3. She prioritizes family time and connection.
4. She nurtures her body and mind with gentle movement, positivity, and wholesome food (even if it’s not always perfect, good food feeds the soul; it’s about balance, not perfection).
5. She has dreams, but she also chooses to live in the present and focus on the gratitude and abundance she feels for the goodness in her life. She doesn’t focus on the lack.
6. She has built a life around the way she wants to live with her family, meaning she had to make specific decisions about where to live, how close to home their kids’ school should be, where and how much to work, and how to balance family life with work life and share duties with her husband.
7. She doesn’t take work home.
8. She has clear boundaries.
9. She balances being present with being productive.
10. She has created a calm, safe home and life she loves.
11. She doesn’t need to be busy to feel accomplished.
12. No matter her budget, she still makes sure to look good every day and so do her kids and her husband.
13. She’s rich in love, family, good feelings, gratitude, and mental health.
14. She hasn’t lost her feminine side just because she became a wife and a mom.
15. She still makes time for herself a little every day, through reading, getting ready, feeding her mind and body with goodness (exercise, meditation, positive podcasts).

I hope Sofia’s simple, very Italian soft life has inspired you to see that you don’t have to have a huge bank account, no job, no kids, and all the freedom in this world to start living a soft life.

Of course, for Sofia it’s a little easier because that’s how she grew up. If it feels like you need to start from scratch, try focusing on the mindset plus incorporating a few softer routines.

Daily Soft Life Activities To Add To Your Life:

1. Wake up more softly (without an alarm, if you can, or a softer one)
2. Take time to cook good food from scratch
3. Spend quality time with your loved ones
4. Prioritize movement and being out in nature
5. Feed your mind daily with positivity, gratitude, meditation, and de-stress through breathing exercises and journaling.

If you’d like to chat about this topic, sign up to the newsletter and come say hello.

More Dolce Vita Reads

I hope you enjoyed this different type of post. And thank you so much for reading till the end.

These are truly my favorite ones to write.

I love that they make me think and feel more deeply, stop a little longer to observe and reflect, and most importantly share from a place of love and care.

Because I want to reach that balanced state as much as you do, I know what it feels like not to be there, but I’ve also started the journey, so I can share from a place of understanding and experience. 

I hope all of that comes through.

And most importantly, I really wish for this to be inspiring and supporting along your journey to a better, softer self and a softer life.

If you enjoyed reading my chats about life, you’re welcome to join my Italian newsletter – Buona Settimana. Every Sunday I get in your inbox, and we chat about life, Italy, beautiful clothes, bags, etc, and delicious food. Sign up through one of the boxes on this page.

Besides my newsletter, there’s plenty more you can read on the blog. Here are a few suggestions.

Slow Living Like My Italian Grandma

How To Like Yourself First (Then Your Outfit)

15 Simple Ways To Curate A Dolce Vita Lifestyle 

26 Italian Life Quotes To Live By & Inspire You Every Day 

When you want something lighter, have a look at my latest fashion posts.

If you enjoyed this post, please give it a heart and share it with your community. It’s the best way to support my work.

Thank you so much.

A presto,
Alessia