How To Like Yourself First (Then Your Outfit)

You consume endless fashion content, your closet is full of clothes, yet when it comes to getting dressed … you still struggle, and never truly love your outfit.

Does that resonate?

If so, ciao friend. I’m Alessia, the writer and founder of Italy with an Italian. In this post, I want to help you understand why you struggle, and what you can do about it.

Finding your personal style helps… but there are deeper things to address first.

Let’s talk about it.

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Is It Your Outfit You Don’t Like?

We are human beings, constantly judging ourselves and others, so when you look in the mirror and hate that outfit, I think the first question to ask is – is it my outfit I hate or something else?

Before going any further I want to emphasize the fact that we are having this discussion because we want to feel better about it, certainly not to bring us down; we want to let this go, and if we don’t address it, it will stay there bothering us for another while.

I also remind you that this is a deep friendly chat about the topic, but if you think you need more than that, please seek professional help.

Let’s go back to that moment when you look in the mirror.

You are seeing more than just an outfit.

You are seeing yourself with all your flaws and imperfections, insecurities, struggles, and accomplishments. In simpler words, you are seeing all the things you don’t like about yourself, including your outfit.

Even if you change it, and wear your favorite dress, those other things you dislike won’t disappear.

So, what can you do about it?

You can be proactive.

You can find a way to change or correct them – where possible, safe and within your means, or you can learn to accept them, and with time even love them.

So next time you look in the mirror and don’t like your outfit, try to be honest with yourself and ask whether there’s something else bothering you.

Is it your nose that always sticks out (in your eyes)?

If so, have you tried correcting it with makeup? You will be surprised at how magic contouring can be, if you know how to apply it.

Is it your hair that’s looking lifeless?

Perhaps, it’s time to give it a trim, or try a new style. Or maybe, you just have to find a hair routine that works for you, and it’s manageable.

Is it your body you dislike?

I don’t think there’s one woman on this planet who fully loves every inch of her body, and that’s normal. First of all, it’s important we learn to see our bodies for what they truly are – they are not just this exterior shell that must be perfect and look stunning. They are the biggest machine you know and own, working for you in the background, doing things you wouldn’t even dream about, so let’s respect them!

Of course, there’s likely something you can do about the thing that’s bothering you.

Perhaps, you need to be more mindful with your eating, and make better food choices.

Or maybe, you need to move more; it will help both your body and your mind.

Do you no longer recognize yourself, because you are aging?

Well, you are not alone. And while we can’t stop aging, we can try to age gracefully, by taking care of ourselves from the inside out.

Do you see yourself as a failure?

Most of us do in one or multiple areas of our lives. We all have goals we are still working on, plans that failed, paths that we’ve never tried taking, and dreams we don’t even know if they will come true.

How To Flip That Thought?

The best way to change how you feel about the part of yourself you dislike is to learn to accept it or take action, or both.

Instead of simply accepting something you dislike, try to understand it, research about it, experiment, and improve it.

Don’t get obsessive about it, just take it as a challenge, a way to improve and get to know yourself better.

I find that having the mindset that life is a journey and it’s all about the learning, really helps, because you are not too attached to the end goal, and you are more focused on the experience.

Let’s take aging for example. Rather than being miserable about your wrinkles increasing or your skin sagging, think about what you can do about it.

My Sagging Jawline Example

Take me for example. I have always known I don’t want any invasive treatments, so I have always looked to be proactive with my skincare to hopefully delay and soften the effects of aging.

The fact that I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I eat a fairly healthy diet is already helping me. But stress and time still have their impact.

For over a year I kept looking at the mirror and noticing a change in my face. After pinpointing what was bothering me, I did my research and came across a device that could help correct it, something that I could use at home, was safe, and also manageable.

After considering all the options, I purchased the one that seemed the best, I created a routine around it, and I stayed consistent for the past 18 months.

In case you are wondering, I am referring to my jawline. I started seeing early signs of sagging, and after trying face exercises daily for months, and other less expensive options like gua sha, I decided to go the extra step.

That’s when I found out that there were non-invasive lifting devices that could help with that. I watched and read the reviews, and decided to try one for myself. I haven’t looked backward, and my jawline looks much more lifted now than two years ago.

That small money investment, and the commitment to dedicate the time to this, helped me feel better about myself, and learn to love my face again.

That little change has made all the difference I needed.

If any of you are having the same issue, this is the device I use.

This is the exact kit I bought.

You can also find it on Sephora.

And this is my favorite cream activator (as you need to use one for the device to do its job), also available on Sephora.

I started noticing the signs in 2022, started using the device exactly a year after, and I immediately saw improvements after a couple of weeks. However, the longer I kept using it the more my jawline looked lifted. Losing the extra weight I had gained during Covid also helped, but I had already lost it before starting using the device, and that alone didn’t give me the result I was looking for.

I will share my 15 minute routine in my newsletter soon. If you haven’t joined, I invite you to do so now. You’ll receive a Sunday email; it’s like chatting with an Italian friend about food, fashion, travel, and life.

How To Like Yourself Again – Start Here

Being proactive about the things you dislike is a really positive way to go about it, especially since some things are easier to correct than you think. My sagging jaws example is one of them.

However, it all starts in your mind but also in your heart.

There are things that don’t have quick fixes, and others might have no fixes at all.

In those cases, no fancy device can do the trick. That’s when working on your mindset and positivity is the best gift you can give yourself.

In all honesty, working on your mindset, learning to be positive and grateful can change your life for the better, no matter your situation. If you haven’t explored that, I urge you to.

It’s unbelievable how that can help you see yourself and your life with completely new eyes.

When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at a fairly young age, I found it very difficult to think about my future.

Would I always be in pain? Would I have to stop working? Would I have to spend a lot of time in bed?

Those questions kept swirling in my head all the time. That left me with having a more negative outlook on my life, and it wasn’t serving me well.

My unpleasant work situation wasn’t helping either.

Luckily, I am someone who has always been proactive, and loved research and learning.

All of that led me to explore positivity and gratitude, and it truly changed my life, especially after growing up with parents who had a negative mindset, always focusing on the half empty cup, rather than the half that was full.

I read countless books, listened to many podcasts, but the one thing that helped the most is this – Abraham Teachings by Ester Hicks. You can research it on YouTube and consume the content for free. That’s what I did.

I understand why there’s a lot of skepticism around her, but I am an open minded person, and I like to try things and judge for myself. Listening to her talk helped me focus on the positive things, make peace with the negative ones, and with time I learned to accept them. Of course, that required a much deeper internal exercise than just listening, but that’s how I got started.

I’ve also taken a trip down memory lane by looking at my list of reads on Audible, and I found this book I would like to recommend – The Universe Has Your Back (paperback). The Audible offer below will get you this book and 11 more for free.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

If you are a busy woman (or man), who is always out and about, commuting, working, running errands, driving your kids around, I really suggest having an Audible membership. You can have access to all your favorite podcasts, and listen to books all in one place. I used it a lot both when I was working in my corporate job and also after going self-employed. Here’s a sweet offer to get you started.

Let me remind you that membership gets you the book I mentioned above and 11 more for free.

Investing time and money on your mindset, can help you navigate difficult times as well as learn to love yourself again.

Here’s why positivity and gratitude are the best way to learn to like yourself.

The version of yourself who looks in the mirror and immediately judges the nose, the hair, the body, etc, is definitely the negative one.

By working on becoming more positive and living life with gratitude, you flip that switch. With time, you’ll stand in front of the mirror and start giving yourself compliments, appreciating the flaws for being part of you, being grateful to even have a functioning nose, and hair on your head.

That doesn’t mean you can’t still be proactive and do something about those things, but it means you’ll be kinder to yourself while you get there, and no matter what the result will be.

That obviously holds for anything you dislike about yourself and your life. For example, you can learn to be positive about your current home while still looking for a new one. That positivity will not only benefit your overall wellbeing, but will also likely help you manifest your dream home much more easily.

How To Like Yourself Through Fashion

Let’s take a step back and think about the most basic purpose of fashion. Clothing is essential both because it protects you from the elements, but it is also a must if you want to go out in public and not be arrested (funny but true).

Some people stop there. They buy the trousers, the jumpers, the jackets, the basics, etc. They make sure they are comfortable and fit well, but they don’t pay attention to anything else. They don’t think about whether those pieces suit them, whether they like the way they look in them, how people perceive them because of what they are wearing, etc.

Fortunately, the majority of us have learned that fashion plays a much more important role than that of covering our bodies. That’s why we go a step further. We pay attention to what we like and don’t like, what fits well and what doesn’t, the colors and silhouettes that suit us, the way certain outfits make us feel and behave, but also the way we are treated because of those outfits.

Italian style champions that a lot. Italians want to look good and be perceived as elegant, classy, intelligent, trustworthy, and much more. Vogliamo fare la bella figura, as we say. That means that we want to make a good impression, and we know that our outfit has that power.

Your outfit is the first thing people see along with your face and body silhouette, even before they hear you speak.

For us Italians, looking good is something we learn to pay attention to since we are young. It becomes an essential part of our lives, almost as a task you thick off your list on a daily basis, without even knowing you are, because it has become second nature.

Because of that when we look in the mirror we feel good, put together, and we can now face the world and all that comes with that.

That doesn’t mean we like everything about ourselves, but fashion helps us feel better by balancing things out.

No matter whether you are Italian or not, you can put yourself in the same position. All you have to do is start dressing well. Consider it like the simplest daily dose of confidence boost. This type doesn’t require any positive affirmations, just a good sense of style, and the commitment to keep it up.

If you are new to Italian style, or would like to learn more, I suggest you read these articles next:

Master The Key Pillars of Italian Style
20 Pieces Every Italian Wardrobe Needs

There’s something that takes dressing well to another level, that can increase your confidence even further, and help you like yourself more. I am referring to finding and staying true to your personal style. It’s not about restricting yourself to one style; you can still experiment, and you should.

The focus is on knowing what suits you best, what makes you feel the best, and understanding how you can repeat that on a daily basis. If you’d like to explore this topic more, I suggest you read this article next: How To Find Your Personal Style.

Here’s how fashion can help you like yourself best in practice:

Let’s take two women as an example. We’ll call them Anna and Patrizia, and pretend they are both Italian.

They are both the same age and have a similar lifestyle – office workers, mother of two kids, in a long term marriage, living a normal life with common problems, nothing major.

They are both aging, and have started gaining weight.

The only difference is that Anna loves fashion and has always strived to take the time to find pieces that make her feel good. She has a few go to outfit formulas she swears by, and knows how to infuse her outfits with her unique sense of style.

Patrizia, on the other hand, has always seen fashion with a utilitarian lens. She knows she needs clothes, she also knows she needs to have appropriate outfits for different occasions, and that looking good is important for making a good impression. However, she has never taken the time to understand what she likes wearing, which pieces boost her confidence, which elements speak to her personality.

Now, let’s put both women in front of a mirror, on a day when they are feeling down because life got overwhelming, they have started noticing a few more wrinkles on their face, and they also both gained weight.

They are both wearing a black dress for a special occasion. It’s their 25th year anniversary.

Anna looks in the mirror and sees her wrinkles and her weight gain, and while she is not happy about either, she knows that by switching her outfit to suit her new body better, she is going to feel more positive and confident. She also knows that if she wears that necklace that she loves so much and that vintage purse, she is going to love her outfits ten times more.

Patrizia looks in the mirror and she doesn’t recognize herself. She has no clue what to do about it. So she goes out with that outfit she doesn’t like and hates every minute, because she is too focused on worrying about the wrinkles, the uncomfortable outfit, and the few extra kilos she has gained.

Can you see how the way each woman approaches style and fashion has a totally different effect on their special occasion, but also their day to day life?

Of course, the problem extends beyond fashion. Anna looks like she is a more positive person, who has taken the time to focus on mindset work throughout the years. Patrizia seems lost, and I am not sure whether she has the power to find her way. I hope she talks about it with a friend, who might guide her in the right direction, maybe suggest a positivity and mindset book like Here For It.

If you’d like to read that book, let me remind you that you can get it for free, along with The Universe Has Your Back and 10 more titles, with your annual audible membership (get the special offer here).