How To Find Your Style & Dress More Like You

Tired of recreating outfits that look good but don’t feel like you?

If so, you’ve come to the right place.

Welcome, friend. I am Alessia, the founder and writer behind Italy with an Italian.

In today’s post, I want to invite you on a journey of understanding how to find your style and how to curate it daily, so that your outfits help you truly reflect your personality, empower you to feel more confident, and make you feel good.

Let’s talk about how we can do that.

This post is part 2 of this other one – How To Like Yourself First, Then Your Outfit. Feel free to read that one before or after this.

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What Is Personal Style & How To Know If You’ve Found Yours

Before we start getting into the nitty and gritty of finding your style, it’s best if we clarify what that truly means.

Here’s what it looks like when a woman knows her style.

She knows what looks good on her – the specific clothing pieces, the silhouette, the color palette.
She also knows what doesn’t.
She is aware of the type of outfits that make her feel her best. This is different from outfits that might look good on her but don’t resonate with her.
She also likely knows which outfits make her feel the least confident and uncomfortable in her skin, and that doesn’t necessarily mean they look bad on her. That’s because clothes are more than just aesthetic.
She has a few signature looks — I call them uniforms or outfit formulas, that she can rely on days when she has to dress quickly or she doesn’t have the brain power to think too much about her outfit.
She knows how to infuse her outfits with her own personality and her sense of fashion, unique to her and what she loves.

Although, my focus with this article is on women, the same holds for men.

Why Italian Style Is Not Your Personal Style

If you are here, it’s either because you love Italian fashion and follow my blog for that, or because you found this article while looking for ways to find your personal style.

Either way, let me explain that finding your personal style goes much deeper than deciding whether you like Italian style better than French style, or the minimalist Scandinavian one.

That’s a great start, so if you haven’t yet taken the time to understand that, it’s a great place to start.

Having said that, you are free to like specific aspects of multiple styles. For example, I am Italian, but I also appreciate Scandinavian style for its focus on minimalism and comfort. I also embrace certain elements of French style for its celebration of femininity in a softer, more romantic, yet still elegant way.

Have You Found Yours?

If you’re here reading this it doesn’t necessarily mean you haven’t found your personal style. You might have, but maybe not fully. And that’s ok, because finding your style is a life long journey. After all, style, like us, keeps evolving, and it might need revisiting or refreshing from time to time.

However, when you know your style, there will be signature clothing pieces, outfits, accessories, and an overall aesthetic that will stick with you throughout the years, because they truly reflect your personality and make your soul happy.

If you’re still unsure, scroll back up and re-read the points I listed below what it means to know your style. Do you know all of that about yourself?

If you do, you’ve likely found your style, but maybe you feel it needs being revisited, because something has changed – your body, your lifestyle, your age, etc. I still suggest reading this post.

If you don’t know those things, then this is the right time to discover and curate them. That’s exactly what I am here to help you do, or at least start that process.

When & Where Do You Start With Finding Your Style

Right now you have all these thoughts running in your head, am I right?

You might even be asking yourself whether it’s the right time, whether you are too old for that, whether this is just a silly frivolous mid-life crisis urge, and whether you can do it alone.

Let me help you by addressing those thoughts first and foremost.

The Best Time To Find Your Style

I’d like to start by emphasizing that there’s no right or wrong age to start this process. In reality, as I will explain later on in this post, you’ve already started without even knowing it.

So whether you are 20, 30, 40, 50 or even 60 and older, it’s not too late. The process is going to look very similar at every age, although it gets easier the older you are because of the experience and self knowledge you already have.

Having said that, I will share specific tips on how to go about finding your style at different ages.

Where Should You Start?

As for where, the best place to start is in your mind.

Ask yourself why you want to find your style, and why now?

Take mental or written note of the answers that come to mind.

Don’t be afraid, no one is listening or reading.

Be completely open with what comes up.

While I don’t want to influence your thoughts, let me share a few common reasons.

Maybe, it’s something that you’ve always wanted to do, but you’ve never had the time, energy and willingness to focus on.

It could be that you are experiencing a drop in self confidence, for some reason or another, and you think that looking better in your outfits will help boost your confidence and feel better. That’s possible, but I also suggest you look deeper. This article can help you start that inner introspection process.

Aging can also give us this urge, especially when we don’t have a strong personal style. The same holds for a sudden change in our body shape, or even a new phase of life, like motherhood.

Is This A Silly Urge?

I get why you are asking yourself this question. It shows you have much more depth than you realize, and that’s wonderful.

When you do, of course you’re going to ask yourself that question! After all, we live in a world where war, hunger, poverty, illness, etc are part of our bigger reality.

At the same time, we all know that we are not immortal. We live a relatively short life that comes with a mix of difficulties and joys. We move through it by going from a stage to another, setting goals and priorities, and working hard on each of them.

What about pleasure, though?

Life is meant to be a learning experience, true, but happiness should be our ultimate goal.

So if you are at a time and place in life, where focusing on finding your personal style feels right, because you don’t have other important issues to solve, or you can handle it while you are working on accomplishing your goals, then go for it.

The only permission you need is yours!

If it feels right, it means it’s the right time to do it.

I promise you, you wouldn’t be even reading this article if you were in the middle of handling a difficult situation in your life, which might be the only instance why I would suggest waiting.

Even in such a case, it is not black and white. For some people, focusing on something lighter and pleasant like finding their style might be exactly the thing they need to take their mind off something bigger they might be facing.

So the short answer is no. This is not a silly or frivolous urge. You have every right to do it, if that’s what you want or believe you need.

Remember this – something that helps you be happier, more confident and love yourself more is going to spill positivity in other areas of your life. So consider it an investment rather than a silly urge.

Can You Do It Alone?

Yes you can, but only if you are willing to dedicate time and energy, try different things, constantly observe and analyse, and always be real with yourself.

If you don’t want to do it on your own, you don’t have to. You can choose to invest in a personal stylist. My advice is to find someone who cares not only about how you look but about how you feel. You want a stylist who doesn’t just help you shop or put outfits together, but helps you understand why certain outfits make you feel great and others don’t, shows you how to translate that into your unique style and helps you curate a wardrobe that reflects it.

The other less formal option is to find a friend who can help you do all of that. Maybe it’s a friend with a good sense of fashion, who has managed to find her unique style, or is in the process of doing that, and can show you how while being real and honest. You can choose to pay that friend or not, it’s up to you both.

While I am not a personal stylist, I think I know a thing or two about fashion, so if you want me to be that friend, let’s chat about it. The best way to reach out is to join my newsletter and send me an email, so we can start that conversation.

Of course, you can join my newsletter even if you choose to do it on your own. You’ll be receiving an email every Sunday, and it’s like chatting with your Italian friend about fashion, food, travel, and life. I hope to see you there.

The Five Stages Of Finding Your Style

As you might have realized from what I have shared with you so far, finding your style is not rocket science but it’s not something you are going to do in a weekend. It takes time, trial and error, energy, commitment and an interest in fashion.

Considering all of that, I knew it was not going to be easy for me to condense all of that in one post. That’s why I’ve come up with this system that makes it easy to wrap your head around it all, while giving you a clear roadmap on how you can achieve it step after step.

I hope it helps you do just that.

And if you need help, please reach out.

Without further ado, let me introduce to you the five stages of finding your personal style.

Experiment
Observe
Recreate
Personalize
Curate

Experimenting with your style

Unless you are still in your 20s (if you are, enjoy!), you’ve already had plenty of time to experiment.

You’ve seen many fashion trends come and go, you’ve likely already tried many of them. You have also worn different types of clothing pieces, silhouettes, different colors. Maybe, you’ve even leaned into one or multiple global styles like Italian and French fashion.

Use all of that to your advantage.

If you still have pictures of outfits you wore 20, 15, 10 years ago, take them out and use them to understand what you like and don’t, what fits well and doesn’t, which colors suit you best, etc.

Of course, those items will not be trendy, and your body might have changed, maybe your hair color too, but you can still learn a lot.

If you don’t think you have done enough experimenting, or you can’t pinpoint anything important from those pictures (I bet I could help you do that!), you can try experimenting for the next few months.

First of all, you can study the iconic fashion styles – Italian, French, Scandinavian, British, Japanese, American, and try to understand which you like the best. But don’t stop there, try to understand why, which aspects or what kind of outfits you like the best and why. Of course, it can be multiple country styles, for different factors.

Once you have pinpointed all of that, try to incorporate those aspects you love about that or those styles in your daily outfits. Take pictures, look at them, compare them, see what you like aesthetically speaking but also pay attention to which ones make you feel the best inside, give you more confidence, empower you, spark joy.

Keep experimenting, analysing and reflecting.

Observing The Fashion Around You

Don’t just focus on yourself. See what others are doing too.

Keep updated with the current trends, what classic designers are doing consistently with their style but also new perspectives they are adding to their designs.

See what the fashion girlies or ladies are wearing on Instagram.

Follow blogs like this one for outfit inspiration, especially if you like Italian style, or classic and elegant style with a touch of edginess. I try to provide inspiration for everyone, but I do lean into what I love the most.

Don’t just stop at looking.

Pay attention to what makes your mind go wow, or those outfits that silently give you the ick. See if you can spot a pattern, or understand the reason.

Save what you like, and maybe also what you really dislike. That way, you can keep reminding yourself to stay away from that style, or those outfits.

It’s Ok To Recreate Others’ Outfits.. Until It Isn’t

As you experiment and observe trends, designer collections, fashion influencers’ outfits, and spot what you like, it’s totally ok to save and recreate those outfits you love. It’s actually a great way to practice.

The only note I’d like to add is always do that while keeping in mind what you already know about your personal style, no matter how little that is.

For example, if you like an outfit you saw a woman on Instagram wearing because it’s minimal and tonal, maybe has clothing pieces you already own but have never thought of pairing together, you can recreate it with the clothes in your wardrobe, or even purchase one new item to complete that look.

However, if that outfit is all black and you know you don’t like wearing black, just switch the color. You can keep the rest of the concept the same, but stay unique to your style — which in this case is staying unique to the fact you don’t like wearing black, either because it doesn’t suit your skintone, or it doesn’t reflect your personality.

Although, you could go on all your life copying other’s outfits, there comes a time when you should be able to pull items out of your wardrobe and put them together because it feels right, because you know you love wearing those pieces together (maybe they are one of your uniform outfits) or because you have taken the time to try different items together and find pairings you love, that are unique to you.

Of course, you can do a bit of both.

In fact, even people who have a well curated personal style, might need to do research around certain new pieces, especially if they are pieces they have never worn before — maybe a new color they are trying, or a new silhouette, or a new clothing piece. In that case, it’s normal to want to do research and see how the brands are styling it, or how others are wearing it.

However, here’s the difference between a woman who knows their style and someone who doesn’t:

The first woman takes the inspiration and runs with it; she makes it her own, she infuses it with her unique style, she pairs it differently, in simple words she doesn’t copy the outfit that inspired her.
The second woman copies the outfit almost entirely because she doesn’t know better; she doesn’t have that inner sense of style that can naturally guide her to style it differently, but that doesn’t mean she can’t get there.

How Personalizing Your Outfits Helps You Find Your Style

Once you’ve gone through all the previous stages, you’ve gained experience with trying different things, understanding what you like and don’t, what suits you and what doesn’t, what sparks joy, what makes you feel confident, and all the rest. Throughout that process, your brain is internalizing all of that.

Keeping that knowledge readily accessible helps you customize outfits you spot and love, but also put together outfits from scratch.

All those elements combined together to create an outfit that is uniquely you is how you personalize your outfits.

Once you do, you can also start building a wardrobe that includes more of the things you like, and help you create more unique outfits.

That could look like buying more vintage clothing, or building a collection of classic white shirts and midi A line skirts, or buying more black dresses, or owning more loafers, etc.

Having more of those pieces helps you style an outfit in a way that speaks to your sense of fashion, and makes you feel like your outfit reflects what you like but also vibes with your lifestyle and your values. And that‘s when an outfit truly becomes unique to you.

An example of a woman who knows her style and has personalized her wardrobe to reflect it:

For example, let’s take a woman that loves elegance, demureness, and appreciates classic Italian fashion. She is a housewife and a mum who attends several upscale events to support her husband’s architecture business. She also loves wearing black, vintage jewellery, and knows that her waist is the part of the body she likes to emphasize the most.

Of course, you will find plenty of these styles of dresses in her closet:

wrap dresses,
fit-and-flare dresses
belted shirt dresses
suits which have a tapered waist blazer

Many of those will be black, and you’ll also find vintage jewellery pieces that go beautifully with them.

However, you will also find classic and elegant pieces for everyday wear, like tailored jeans, and cigarette pants, trench coats, white button up shirts, loafers, leather totes and belts.

I hope you get my example, and how you can build a closet that reflects your lifestyle, your personality, embraces what you love, helps you highlight certain parts of your body, and be portrayed in a certain way.

Curating A Wardrobe That Reflects Your Newly-Found Personal Style

Once you find it, it doesn’t stop there.

You need to continue learning, experimenting, observing, but also wearing what you know you love.

You also need to build a wardrobe that includes those pieces that can help you create those kinds of outfits that make you feel and look your best, including items that speak to you.

It could be buying more black clothing pieces, more leather accessories, more vintage jewellery, more clutch bags, more power suits, more feminine dresses, etc.

Of course, you need to understand which pieces to prioritise and which ones can wait, especially if you don’t have an unlimited budget. The rest can come with time.

Bonus Step: Refresh and Repeat

Even when you are in a place where you feel like you’ve found your personal style, it’s good to revisit it from time to time. If you love fashion, you’re also likely to still want to stay up to date with the trends, follow that fashion influencer you love, research outfits on Pinterest.

That’s a great way to keep your personal style fresh and get inspired on which new pieces, styles, and trends to experiment with or incorporate in your signature style.

More Fashion Inspiration

I hope this article has inspired you to start, continue, or even resume the journey of finding your personal style.

Or maybe, it has given you a new perspective on how to go about doing it.

If that’s so, please give this article a heart and share it with a friend or two.

Also, don’t forget my invitation to join Buona Settimana – my Sunday newsletter, where we talk about fashion, food, travel, life from an Italian point of view. I hope to see you there.

If you’d like more fashion reads, I suggest reading these next:

How To Love Yourself First, Then Your Outfit

20 Pieces Every Italian Woman Owns

The Key Concepts Behind Italian Style

A presto,
Alessia